Sunday, June 26, 2005

Hope For The Best, Yet Prepare For The Worst.

When my father died in Aug. 1998, I was just beginning my senior year of highschool, and essentially in the beginning of finding myself. Still living off of my parents testimonies and beliefs, I was beginning to want to learn things for myself. I began questioning things in my life, so when the loss of my father hit, my thought process began to unravel. I began to ponder and question many things regarding life. My brother told my mother weeks before the death of my father that she needs to start, "preparing for the worst." I quickly realized the importance of such a preparation. For about two weeks I was mentally unstable. Soon after much pondering, and personal discovery, I came to the conclusion that there are certain elements of this world which we can not control. One of the true gifts of this life on earth is the ability to "Act for ourselves."

I came up with the philosophy that we are a product of our own decisions. I know what some of you may think, I just said there are certain elements of this world that we have no control over, but what I mean by we are a product of our own choices, is that things occure in our lives and we have the "choice" of how to react to these elements in our lives. So I began living under the philosophy to "Hope for the best, yet prepare for the worst." So that way when a cotastrophy occurs in my own personal life, I have already mentally prepared myself for the worst, so I am already able to react in a much more postive way.

Recently I read a blog of my friends which spoke of such a thing, yet placed under a new set of terms, and words. He places the same philosophy to be able to accomplish certain goals. So instead of trying to control your situation, you merely react and move with the elements, and not against the elements. It still is heavy on my mind, exactly what type of mental steps must be taken in your thought process to be able to accomplish such a task. You see with my philosophy I know what type of mental steps must be taken in every decision, and situation. This may seem a little scattered, as I am basically writing my thought process to work my way through this philosophy. Now for example if I were to make a goal in my life to accomplish something I would in turn think of the worst possible outcome while trying to battle my way through the process of accomplishing this goal, and I prepare myself mentally to be able to deal with it, so if it were to happen it would no longer be a shock to me, and I would better react and deal with the situation and move on from that point. By doing so I live under the belief to live in the present, and treat that as a gift, and not to linger in the past, even if the past happens to be a matter of seconds away from your present standing. However my friend talked of situations where his "tapping in" helped him to accomplish the goal, and my beliefs don't help me accomplish that specific goal, because I could fail, my philosophy only helps me remain happy, and not in constant sorrow. Happiness being my main goal in life on a daily and eternal perspective.

“Never looking back or too far in front of me"

Written: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 on:

“We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise

I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'ma learn through her”(Common)

Hannah’s a little congested these days, so we have been trying to do the whole booger sucker thing…

I’m not sure if it is really working. She seems to be alright though. The other night I was up entertaining her till 2:00a.m. Then Heather grabbed her and rocked her and she fell asleep. That was Sunday night, but other than that she is growing and happy.

This is the new site Heather started for Hannah it is a little more nicer, It lets you share a lot more about Hannah and her growth than just pictures like the msn site. So go ahead and check that out. We usually try to update it with one or more pics every day.

“Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE”(Common)

I try and do exactly this, everyday I try and not think or worry too much about what the futer holds for me. I mean I believe it is important to make goals, and also be pushing for some type of progression in the future, but I’m not speaking of this when I say I try not to worry about the future. It is more of the things I really don’t have much control over. Some things in life we don’t have control over happening to us. All we have to do is react in the correct ways. So I just try to stay in the present, and move through my life living for today, and not in yesterday, wishing I could go back, and at the same time I’m not trying to wish for things to be different as far as wishing I was living in the future. I just want to treat today as a gift.

In one of my areas on my mission there was this huge hill we had to walk up every day. I remember for the longest time I would walk up it staring at the top, and as I took each step it was like the hill just continued to grow, and appeared to never end. The heat would pound down on me, and the weight of my feet would start to grow heavier each step I took forward. Complaints would start to shower my mind. I would turn around and look back down the hill trying to see how much progression I made, and some times I would look back and wish I was back down the hill. So then one morning I started up the hill staring up to the top, and then I stopped and I thought I’m just going to look down, and just concentrate on where I am at that exact moment. When I did this, my climb to the top began to move quicker, the sun didn’t seem to be beating down so badly. That’s when it struck me, that life will be a lot easier to bare if I just be happy and content with today…

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

You Live To Fight Another Day

The brown liquid quickly filled the plastic blue cup, and as it entered the gas created the fizz that nearly poured over the top of the cup. As I let the fizz come to a rest, and only the ice cold Vanilla Coke was left, I prepared a plate full of Potato skins, bagel pizzas, Buffalo wings, and some mozzarella sticks, I walked out into the front room and sat down on the floor in front of the red leather couch. You would think that this was the beginning of a story of the perfect night.I stared into the television which was showing the cheesy pre-game show. The game was a good, and very enjoyable to watch. However the night ended with the Spurs putting up a decent fight, but not sufficient enough to clinch a title. So now we will have to wait til tursday to find out who the Champ will be. Now don't get me wrong by the post, I am not a Spurs fan, nor a Detroit fan. I am an avid Basketball fan, to the point of perhaps being called a fanatic. I would like to see both Ginobili, and Tim Duncan with another championship under their belt.

After the game Heather gave Hannah a bath, and then she was a little squirmish until she finally came to a nice deep sleep around 12:00am, maybe earlier, I can’t really remember.

Yesterday came and went as though it never even took place; I can’t really even recall any of the daily activities.

Work has still been quite slow, but in the upcoming weeks it should be picking up. They are beginning to work with a new client, so that should prove to keep us all very busy. I still have yet to receive a solid response on what will happen after the internship, there was a brief conversation that was started this morning. It almost frustrated me though as aposed to making me feel more confident. Jane told me that they really want me to stay, but they aren't sure wheather I can work full time. So for one that scares me because what if they are thinking they are going to be able to continue paying me $7.00 an hour. When in reallity I am only putting up with the low pay for the mere fact that I am an intern, and by being an intern the fact that I am even getting paid is a stretch, but the amount of money they are saving by paying me the seven dollars an hour, compared to what they would have to pay a freelancer to do it is a large amount. I have added up some days that I have worked and the amount of money I would make if I got paid for the work I did, and in one two day period the pack of work I completed would of made me $600.00, and thats in two days. Even today I only completed one piece of art, and it would of made me over $150.00. This is in only 2 and a half hours of working. Imagine how much I would be able to accomplish working forty hours a week. Add that up and that is 38-40 thousand a year. So at $7.00 and hour for 20 hours a week, they are getting rich off of me. So if they think that madness will continue when I complete the amount of hours required for my intern, they are ludacris.I am enjoying working there, I just wish they would be upfront with me, and not leave me guessing, and wondering what is gonna happen.

We just got done watching Coach Carter, and it was a pretty decent movie, it being the B.J Pratt debut and all.

Monday, June 20, 2005

A New Beginning

This is my first post on this new secrete blog of mine...

Just wanted to have some starting point, So here is the beginning of something new and great.

Shane Guymon