Pongo & the Slide

Over a Bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup

Just got an email from Heather that related this story:

Just now, over a bowl of chicken noodle soup, Hannah says to me, "I really wish I could have a baby in my tummy." (random yes) So I said to her, "Well, one day FAR off in the future when YOU are a mommy, you can have a baby in your tummy too."

So she gets this excited, puzzled, intrigued look on her face and says, "Wait... So I can have a baby in MY tummy?" and I said, "Yup that's right. Only mommies and girls can have babies in their tummy...daddies and boys can't."

So she looks at me with a DUH look on her face and goes, "Yeah, they just watch."

Which reminds me I REALLY need to start writing down more of what she says on a daily basis cause it is so hilarious, but sadly my mind is unable to hold onto it for much longer than a day.

Hannah Can Swim

Hannah finally got brave enough to swim around in the pool with a flotation device, which was REALLY exciting for us, because I really want her to learn how to swim with as much time as we spend in the pool during the summer.

Dr. Appointment

She was wearing a pink toy stethoscope around her neck as she looked straight at me with her blue eyes and said, "Don't call me Hannah, call me Dr. Appointment."

Howm I Gon Get Clean!

Heather was gone at church for a youth activity. Hannah and I were watching "The Wonder Pets" when Hannah jumped up and said, "I need to take a bath!"

So I told her to hold on a second, so then she said, "I'm dirty..."

Then that turned into, "I'm dirty, dirty, dirty! Howm I gon get clean..." Over and over again bouncing around the house dancing.

So I grabbed the camera and I said, "Ok, if you sing your song for me into the camera then I will let you take a bath."

The song changed a little but it was still cute! Once the camera got turned on she forgot the, "Howm I gon get clean" part so she just hummed that part and decided to add on a few more words as she ran around the table and room.

Don't Miss Tonight...

25 Random Things About Me!

I've been tagged multiple times and kept putting it off but I'm finally falling victom of peer preasure...

1.) I prefer drinking flat sodas, & when I go to a restaurant I order my drinks without ice, & I LOVE Fountain drinks (without ice).

2.) I LOVE my job and NEVER dread going to work. (and I'm proud to say I designed the website for the company I work for).

3.) I HATE Internet Explorer (especially IE6) & hope that everyone reading this using internet explorer will download Firefox today!

4.) I love Pizza but take all the toppings (sometimes I eat them separate) and eat just the bread and sauce.

5.) I HATE mayo and am not a huge fan of ketchup, mustard, or any special sauces. I order all of my burgers DRY. It was always funny in high school when we would have far away games and the basketball team would go get food, they would always have to make one special order for me, and I was always made fun of for it, but my burger seemed to always be hot while everyone else's was cold...

6.) Growing up all I cared about was succeeding in basketball and I sat the bench my entire senior year and only played garbage minutes on varsity.

7.) I was awarded a letterman jacket but I have NEVER worn it, not once. (They didn't give it to me until the summer after I had already graduated. It's still hanging up in my closet).

8.) I can't eat food without lights being on.

9.) I love to watch basketball and rarely miss any televised game (college, high school, or NBA), and thankfully my wonderful wife puts up with it all, and has our entire marriage.

10.) I met my wife in a chatroom. (Yes it's because I'm a shy little nerd who is too scared to talk to girls).

11.) For the past two years I have worn a pair of red socks EVERY Friday and have officially renamed "Friday" to "FUN-day" at work.

12.) I am a self proclaimed "Amateur Musicologist"

13.) I wear a pair of basketball shorts under ALL of my clothes at ALL times (because you never know when there will be an opportunity to play).

14.) I LOVE FONTS & Typography in general!

15.) A majority of my emails end with "Enjoy™" (which I un-officially trademarked).

16.) My favorite food is Potatoe (I love it, fried, baked, scalloped, boiled, mashed, diced, sliced, in a soup, salad, and pretty much anyway and any how).

17.) My name is Shane Michael Guymon at least thats what it says on my birth certificate, and Drivers License. My mom has been heard calling me Shaney. When I was younger I used to ask her to call me her little Darling. My sister refered to me as "It" and "squeeky bones." My brother Mark called me splean, until the next time I saw him and everyone he knew including himself were calling me Skillz (I couldn't help but suppose there was some sort of "sarcasm" behind it all)! Next thing I knew my brother Matt flipped that into Spillz, which caught on well enough that this kid named Chris Capps called me that on the way home from Basketball practice, but he wasn't to happy when I called him "Pissin Craps" after that. In Brazil I became a "Greengo" either that or some other mis-pronunciation of my last name. I grew up a loser striving to become a winner. In Jr. High BJ Pratt called me the "White Somalian." In High School he started sayin Shane "The Main Man" Guymon. Mexicans (hispanics) call me Chain. Then that reminds me of all the times Matt called me Stain. A few people through my life have called me a Nerd. A few other people have refered to me as a Friend. Through my life I have grown accustomed to responding to the name Shawn. I even turn my head when people call out the name Matt (since all my life people have thought we were twins). So I guess if I was to introduce myself I would say you can go ahead and start off by calling me Shane, then you can move on from there...

18.) My life has become a constant battle of trying to gain full control over myself, appetites, passions, and emotions. To which I have started referring to life as "The Beautiful Struggle."

19.) I NEVER cuss not even when I'm angry. The worst words I say are "hell" and "damn" and those are very few and far in between.

20.) Movies are my biggest weakness. I LOVE them all!

21.) The two things that have impacted my life the most are, my dad's death when I was 17 (my senior year) and the birth of my daughter Hannah.

22.) I still sit in my moms lap when i go home to see her.

23.) I've always wanted to write a book, direct a movie, and be a photographer.

24.) My dad wanted all of his kids to have dark hair and brown eyes, and I am the only one who listened.

25.) I'm afraid of heights, roaches (and many other bugs), spiders, snakes, rats, & swimming in any body of water that isn't filled with chlorine and other chemicals (rivers, lakes, ponds, or the ocean).


**BONUS**
26.) I drove around for a week with a dead rat in my car and didn't figure it out until I finally took it into the shop thinking there was something wrong with my air conditioner (the only time I could smell it was when the air conditioner was turned on). I picked the rat up visiting my wife in Buna before we got married. Meaning I drove 5 hours home with it up in my car. On the way home was when I first started smelling it.

27.) My dad used to pay me 2 cents an hour to tickle his head.

28.) Almost every night my mom would be tickling my dad's back, arm or head. When I would try to come lay-down and get in on the back tickling action, my dad would tell me to go find my own girl to tickle my back and then marry here. So I spent the rest of my life looking for that girl, and Heather tricked me into believing it was her, but as soon as we got married all the tickling has ceased. Now my only hope is to con my daughter Hannah into tickling my back for 2 cents a minute.

Hanney Bird...

Lately Hannah has been either acting like a dog or a bird. She switches through out the day. So she is either flapping her arms around the house flying everywhere she goes or she is running around panting on all fours with the occasional bark. Whenever she goes to the bathroom and she is finished she will announce, "I'm DOOOONE!"

If you don't come immediately she will begin to bark and howl until you get there. Also whenever you tell her to do anything like Clean her room, or pick up her toys, she will turn and growl at you. I really wish we could catch all of this on camera, but as soon as you pull out a camera she stops doing it, and is never in the mood to put on an on demand show.

Even at church today, two out of the three times I had to take her to go pee, she would want to crawl down the hall on all fours and pant and bark like a dog. Only problem is the hallways can get kind of busy, since we aren't the only ward in the building, so I had to stop Hannah from doing it. So after she let her frustration out, she decided that being a bird and flying down the hall wasn't a bad consolation.

Either way it's hilarious... most of the time.

Also in these last couple of months every time she is in the house we can barely get her to wear a shirt. Most of the time she will run around in just her underwear. The first thing she does when she gets home is strip out of all of her clothes.

At church the new year brought on a new Sunday school class. So she is leaving the class of 18 month olds - 3 year olds. So gone are the days of playing with toys, snack time, and coloring pictures. Now she has had to reluctantly say hello to a short lesson where she has to sit in a chair, sing songs, & will usually still be able to color a picture. Needless to say Hannah has never been a huge fan of change, so today was the first Sunday where she actually didn't cry for the first 5-10 minutes. Let's hope this means she is leaning towards the getting used to it part.

Another funny thing Hannah has been doing is making up her own songs. I've tried my hardest to listen and remember the words to the songs, but I am unable to do so. Here is my best effort of one she was singing today.

We never do, what we never do. We never do cause we have to do what we never do.

Something like that... it's hilarious!

She also will say that to you, she will say, "I never do, I just have to." (If anyone out there understands what that is supposed to mean, help me and Heather out)

Go Steelers... I'm OUT!

How Michael "Santa Clause" Jordan Saved Christmas

Christmas of 1999, I was a senior in high school, and I spent a lot of time with a family, originally from Utah. We would play basketball together, watch basketball together, and we would constantly talk trash back and forth about basketball. Me being a Jordan disciple, and he being a die hard Utah Jazz fan we were able to have some very interesting discussions. So seeing as how Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls dominated the 90's, he received the brunt of my creative trash talking abilities. So when Christmas came around, the year after Jordan beat the Jazz to win their 6th championship. He invited me to his house for a little get together, I decided to write up a nice little Christmas poem as a special token of our friendship, as his family was about to move back to Utah. I recently discovered this masterpiece in a dusty box of memories in my closet.

I looked outside on a cold winter day
and everyone was happy I could say
It was December six,
all the good boys were out collecting sticks,
for a nice fire.
But in the mountains there lived an evil sire,
who went by the name of Karl Malone.
He had a face and a heart of stone.
Destroying Christmas was his only wish,
but Michael "Santa Clause" Jordan, well all his shots went swish.

Now Jordan and his little elves have kept Christmas for five years
so there were no children to shed any tears.
But Karl Malone
wanted to hear the children moan.
So once again they did meat for that sacred prize
to put happiness or sadness in the children's eyes.

In game one Jordan hit fifty.
The kids thought that was quite nifty.
Game two he rang in sixty three
The children all screamed yippee!
Karl Malone did steal game three
The children wondered, "How could it be?"
He repeated his rage in game number four,
but in game five Jordan did soar
he even dunked it on Karl Malones head
which put all the children safely to bed.

Now if Jordan put it away in game six
Christmas would again be safely fixed.
However in game six Malone put up quite a battle
one after one his shots went in with a rattle.

With only minutes to spare there was little hope
The children began to mope,
but wait! Jordan comes from behind to get the steal,
Malone thought, "This can't be real."
Seconds there were but a few.
Jordan hesitated before he took off to fly,
as he dunks it in Karl Malones eye.

Yes Jordan did soar,
and the crowd did indeed roar
Christmas once again came
and Malone still had no game
and all the Bulls fans got presents,
but coal went to all the silly Jazz peasants.

SUN-day

Here's how the story goes. It's around 7:30 in the morning and we are lounging in bed, I'm trying to soak in as many hours in my 600 thread count sheets as possible. Good Morning America is on TV and Hannah is laying inbetween us but slightly closer to Heather. All of a sudden she says, "I want to go to church!"

Heather and I begin trying to explain to her that it's not Sunday. As we say this she looks out towards the window and pointing her finger she exclaims, "Yeah huh! Look the sun is right there!"

She's a smart little cookie, and it was hard to argue with such wisdom, so as a compromise we decided to let her pick out a dress to wear for the day. While selecting a dress she also grabbed these pink glasses to wear because, "they match!"

Anyways go ahead and click on the picture to see the rest of the pictures we recently uploaded.

Floating Heads

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Phone Call

Around 2:33pm my cell phone rang and I answered to here Hannah's voice at the other end. She excitedly exclaimed, "Daddy! I just went poop!"

Young Michael Phelps

via Squarespace and beautifully illustrated by Patrick Moberg.

That's Not Funny

We had just come inside from a "National Night Out" party our Apartment Complex put on with some free Bar-B-Que out by the swimming pool. We gave Hannah a bath, and we were all sitting down watching TV, and Hannah is munching on a brownie and saying, "I wanna watch 101 Dalmatians (only I can't spell how she really tries to pronounce it which is MUCH cuter)."

Heather says, "No! you are about to have to go to bed."

So lately Hannah is on this HUGE why kick, where she has to ask "WHY?" after everything you say. So of course casually as she is picking pieces of chocolate off of her brownie, she asks, "Why do I have to go to bed?"

So I jump in to play her little game and I say something like, "Cause it's time to go to bed."

Hannah: "Why?"
Me: "Because after the sun goes down and it get's dark outside you have to go to bed."
Hannah: (without looking up, but instead she remains focused on picking at her brownie she says in the most casual nonchalant tone) "That's not funny..."

I'm not really sure if that did it any justice, because when it actually happened, it was the funniest thing of the day. I just busted up laughing, and I think at first Heather was in some sort of shock, or perhaps it took a little bit to register and she just looked down at Hannah who just maintained focus, and Heather also started busting up with laughter. Finally after I laughed for a good minute straight Hannah seemed to realize that we thought what SHE did was funny, so then she kept saying, "That's NOT funny!" It's times like those that I wish my memory functioned more like a digital camera recording reality so I could just hook myself up to a computer and replay it over and over again.

Bring Me My Moneys!

As soon as I stepped through the door I heard a loud squeal and I saw Hannah circling around the table on her little scooter and she yelled with glee, "Daddy did you bring me my moneys?"

and I just started cracking up as I leaned over to give her a hug.

Now let me back this thang up a bit so my infinite abyss of devoted readers can understand the real humor in this statement. You see, Friday when I got home from work Hannah had this little insert from a Barbie DVD she has that had additional toys to coincide with this Barbie DVD. Well Hannah found one of the toys in particular to be a must have addition to her infinite abyss of toys that are accumulating in her bedroom and in various places throughout our home. She carried this piece of paper staring at this particular picture of this toy (as if she was Smeagal and it was The Ring) and showing it to us over and over and telling us we needed to go to the store and get it. So I told her that we had to have money to do that. So her reply was for us to go buy some money. When I told her it didn't work like that, then she said that I still needed to go get some money. So I told her that I had to go to work to get money. She seemed to understand that, but then all she kept talking about is how she wanted to go to work with me to get the money for the toy right then and their. So I told her I didn't have to go back to work until Monday. So now jump back to when I got home from work, and the first thing she asks me when she sees me come through the door is, Do I have her money?

That right their is FUNNNY!

Hannah's Song

We are sitting on the couch watching the 2008 MTV Movie Awards and I notice Hannah is singing a song. This isn't abnormal or strange in any way because Hannah spends most of her day pransing around and singing songs she hears from cartoons or sometimes she makes them up. Well this song I looked down at her as she was sitting cuddling up beside me on the couch and she asked me if I wanted to sing it with her. So I asked her what the words were and she taught me the song. So if you'd like to hear it, her it goes...

Let's goooooo!
Rocket soup with the Big Jet
Sail away, sail away, saaaaaaail awaaaaaaaaaaay!

**UPDATE**

Grape

So the other day Hannah asked for a red popsicle and I wasn't able to find a red one in the freezer but she was happy to take an orange one instead. I decided I wanted a grape one. So we are both chillin on the couch eating our popsicles, when she decides that the grape one I am eating looks better so she takes it and holds it close to her chest as if she had just won a trophy and exclaims,

"This is my favorite for my tummy and my blue eyes!"

Solid Gold

I received a Veer's Solid Gold catalog at work a week or so ago. I usually get these things and quickly flip through them and enjoy all the nice stock photos, "cool stuff for creatives," and in the back they always have a selection of fonts I usually just check the fonts out and wish I could have some of them. I never actually read anything written in them, however this time I actually read some of the paragraphs they had written as fake articles to show off some of the fonts, after breaking out in laughter I began a closer investigation through out the entire catalog and I found a few good ones.

AN UUNLIKELY REUNION
"Guitar legend Dickie Avery announced at a press conference that he and estranged bandmate Philip McCoy will reunite for a concert in Central Park. The duo, whose hits included "Wishing on Stars," "The Love Triangle," and "That Old Hat of Mine, " split in 1978, citing artistic differences. When pressed about the odd timing of the reunion, Avery defended his decision, "Just because Phil has been dead for 10 years doesn't mean we can't reconcile our differences. He never added much anyway."

RAPPER INJURES SELF IN BRAWL
"Central City (March 20, 2008) - Obscure hip hop artist Owen Daniels, known to a small group of fans as The 10th Wonder, was treated for minor injuries following an altercation with himself outside a downtown nightclub Saturday morning. Though there were not paparazzi on hand to capture the incident, Daniels contacted local media with a statement, "Nobody disrespects me and gets away with it. I've always been my own harshest critic. so then it was on."

A POSITIVE SPIN
Local vintage vinyl shop thriving

"They're celebrating at Spindustrial Revolution, the independantly owned record shop. Despite a poor location and low foot traffic, owner Shaun Watts maintains that his business is a success. "Technically we do record sales every month."